interweave #1
how does this strike you? changed "asterisk become" to "asterisk as", "goldenshower" to "goldenrod" and moved "helix" down to the next line
-- now i can't see which is better-- asterisk become or as--- i could go either way
--------------------------------------------------------------------
against the image of goldenrod
i apply my dereliction to you
untying knots of fountainspray
backward dunes
unraveling after we read
the gaping verb muscular node
asterisk as a planet if
and this "if" of splendor
sinks back into its vertebrae
where we crimp
burgeoning gardenias singular
helix of whitewash and ice give me
sacrificial arteries your eyelashes
brimming with winter
slender sores of the finite
these were blood and bark
slanting gouged labeled
yellow bruise as "dying"
peels climbing interruption
the purest blank
speck of tongue sparkling
as consciously
on my cheek in shame
and what we do--
ever-filtered gallows
you and i parabolic
artificial mappings of
copper-plated skies
-- now i can't see which is better-- asterisk become or as--- i could go either way
--------------------------------------------------------------------
against the image of goldenrod
i apply my dereliction to you
untying knots of fountainspray
backward dunes
unraveling after we read
the gaping verb muscular node
asterisk as a planet if
and this "if" of splendor
sinks back into its vertebrae
where we crimp
burgeoning gardenias singular
helix of whitewash and ice give me
sacrificial arteries your eyelashes
brimming with winter
slender sores of the finite
these were blood and bark
slanting gouged labeled
yellow bruise as "dying"
peels climbing interruption
the purest blank
speck of tongue sparkling
as consciously
on my cheek in shame
and what we do--
ever-filtered gallows
you and i parabolic
artificial mappings of
copper-plated skies
posted by Scott Glassman at 11:28 AM
2 Comments:
You know what's so fantastic about this poem, is that there's this tension between the ideas of "coming together" and "coming apart" and in relationships, how people map themselves onto one another, getting wound up, intricately, then extricating, then entwining again. The poem almost seems a metaphor of the process that created it, a dance of two consciousnesses. I love the almost total absence of punctuation too, it frees you to flow from idea to idea (great call on that one!) -- like C.K. Williams does, and how did Olson and the projectivists put it-- one idea instanter to the next or something like that (I think it was the projectionists). Okay, I'm going to lay down my track for the next interweave. Onward and upward. We've got something really powerful going here.
I like the change to goldenrod, for sure. The recurrent images of spray was too much in the beginning of the poem. I agree with your comment about the momentum of this poem, created both by the lack of punctuation (a formal, controllable entity) and the synthesis of two distinct (though not anymore) voices. My favorite part of this project is that I've fully forgotten where your voice ends and mine begins, which I've never experienced in this kind of project. Rocking on, I will approach your next piece. . .
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