A revision of punctuation
against the image of goldenshower
i apply my dereliction to you
untying knots of fountainspray
backward dunes
unraveling after we read
the gaping verb muscular node
asterisk become a planet if
and this "if" of splendor
sinks back into its vertebrae
where we crimp
burgeoning gardenias singular helix
of whitewash and ice give me
sacrificial arteries your eyelashes
brimming with winter
slender sores of the finite
these were blood and bark
slanting gouged labeled
yellow bruise as "dying"
peels climbing interruption
the purest blank
speck of tongue sparkling
as consciously
on my cheek in shame
and what we do--
ever-filtered gallows
you and i parabolic
artificial mappings of
copper-plated skies
posted by Unknown at 1:24 PM
1 Comments:
I like the removal of punctuation, it rushes heavily toward the reader now . . . does it get too difficult at the "gaping verb muscular node / asterisk" part? maybe not just a thought-- one other question, how do you feel about changing "goldenshower" to the flower "goldenrod"-- that way "fountainspray" really stands out then with its connotative impact.
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